Annie Ernaux and the "oblong perturbance".

1.

Revising a draft essay and thinking about Annie Ernaux’s writing, cutting thousands of words (as usual), I return to her commitment to indeterminacy and its refusal to grant absolution. Her texts never elide the affect of shame and abjection on narrative form. Shame touches everything. Overcoming, in Ernaux, is the arc of narrative bullshit. There is no redemption, no salvation: only the dead statues that surround her in the cathedral she revisited after her abortion.

As an artistic mode, the pieta hovers over the speaker’s assertion of "fearless insight" which arises "from the arid patch of facts." Secular epiphany and hagiographic-femme feels distant from what the author intends to give us. But I use my "we" loosely: I use it and lose it the way a loose woman loses her voice. 

What is at stake for Annie Ernaux as a writer? I ask this dull, unshattering question in order to procure permission for writing about my own Annie, rather than presenting the definitive one. The request for permission here is merely rhetorical, since I will write my own Annie regardless in the hopes that this Annie will enable me to answer other questions presented by her writing. Among these questions: What is at stake for Annie as a character in each of her novelizations? And what is at stake for her readers, particularly the women she hoped would be part of her audience?

2.

Can the verb "transcend" be applied in any shape or formality to this labor, this writing, this life. Should I punctuate myself appropriately by posturing this as a question.

And if I don’t . . .


3.

There are so many Annies, I think again, as dusk descends on Birmingham, Alabama; the horizon pukes up the viscous pinks of its pollution. A friend with three cars tells me he loves Annie Ernaux for her sparsity. "She reminds me of a female Hemingway," he ventures. And I can see how this might be true for him. Just as I can see how Tobi Haslett’s brilliant, deBordian Annie might give us a reading in which each of Ernaux's books presents "the charge" to see and do something, to "rifle through the particulars so you can synthesize and thus transcend them." 

I can visualize the transcendent scenario. I can imagine there is a sense in which the male-identifying critics have, so to speak, nailed it. 

The pink horizon shrieks idiotically, loosening its skirts near the coal-fired power plant. It remains at the periphery of my vision when marveling over the way criticism has enabled readers to believe we can ‘read the same’ book, or live in the same world. Being that shadow of a shade who is less sure of the ground she is standing on, less certain of her "position" on the literary terrain, so to speak, I note the shame of this Birmingham skylines that passes for sunset—- a shame that often takes refuge behind soporifics that purport to overcome or rise above what exists. 

But the sky cannot rise above the coal-power that poisons it. There is no overcoming. No greenwash can scrub this enough for a redemption.



4.

In 1995, four years after the publication of Simple Passion, French author Alain Gerard published Madame, C’est A Vous Que J’Ecris, a novel that responded to Ernaux's from the perspective of the mysterious, married lover. Gerard chronicles the affair as he saw it. 

Where Ernaux's speaker applies "ecriture plat" or the flat affect in writing, the stylistic tone borrowed from reportage, Gerard's speaker emerges from indignation, and a sense of having been wrong. To Eranux's refusal of moral judgment, Gerard brings moralization, emasculation, and betrayal of romantic love.

Simple Passion focuses on the writing subject, the woman’s hunger for the absent lover, and the lover, who has made all the more interesting in his absence. Annie knows this. And by protecting the identity of her married lover, she is also protecting the reader from the other banality of his personality. By devoting so much space to describing the waiting, providing us with a phenomenology of washing herself wait for this man, Annie writes into desire. The anticipation of the lover is superior to the Love. 

As for Betrayal, I think of it as the moment when we discover that we don't ‘know’ the Other. The one we love is a stranger to us. Only the stranger remains fascinating. The stranger is the part we want to keep as well as the part we can't believe. While desire craves a stranger, the relational parameters require maintaining a firm boundary between the ordinary portions of our life.

Ernaux keeps her affair secret from her sons and friends. As an event, her relationship with A. never locates itself in the mundane. A. appears powerful because his life and career determine when they can meet, but that is his only power, really. He is a sexual object. And a sexual object is, ultimately, an asexual one. 

The nineteenth century epistolary novel emphasized the formal conventions of a polite, Victorian femininity. In this form, how much a woman knew was constantly renegotiated with respect to how well she knew her place, and how well she performed obsequiousness. The feminine epistle spoke earnestly, prioritizing feelings and aesthetic responses over claims to intellectual discovery.  In a brilliant, embittered move, Gerard deploys the gender-coded femininity of the epistolary genre to complicate A.'s character while also challenging gender’s connection in the form of the letter. In comparison to Gerard’s entreaties, Ernaux's reportage seems evasive, overly neutral, and possibly spiked by guile. 

Gerard’s A. begins by contesting Ernaux's claim that the novel is not a betrayal. "Nous nous étions promis de ne jamais rien livrer de notre secret," he writes. (We promised ourselves that we would never book anything of our secret.) After portraying her lover as a sex object, Ernaux insults his manhood by narrowing it to his dangling organ. "Choosing to forget that a man isn’t reduced, even if he sometimes fears it, to that oblong protuberance that adorns statues, silencing the crudest part of our nature, you weakened it," A. accuses. 

The charge of emasculation brings to mind the Hermes— those roadside gods associated with Roman decadence—and the dream I keep having of a small classroom with pegs along a wall intended for coats and backpacks, except that each peg is a wooden penis, and the girls are aware that their clothing, their school bags, their lunch, sacks, all hang from this oblong protuberance on the wall.

It goes without saying that the fear of emasculation is closely related to the sort of cultural sensitivity the penis has come to expect. Girls are socialized to protect the penis from knees, elbows, sharp bumps, teeth, insults, withering words, insecurity, disapproval, and the wiles of the cocktease. What the penis expects, the penis must get. Surely there is nothing more serious than a disappointed penis given the power its owner exercises.

Gerard's A. wanted "a story" but what he got was a cheap, pornographic voyeurism with no emotional depth and no spiritual entanglement. He refuses to accept that this is her version of desire: she is either lying or trying to hurt him. He cannot imagine that the book about him is finished. It would have been more feminine if she'd revealed him and exposed the truth of his marriage, rather than foreground her own salacious diddling in the feminine imaginary.

5.

Now I digress in Paris, where Roland Barthes introduced Michel Foucault to Pierre Klossowski around 1963. Barthes observed that both men had a thing for Nietszche's eternal return.

In 1947, Pierre Klossowski married Denise Marie Roberte Morin Sinclaire, a war widow who had been deported to Ravensbrück as a result of her Resistance activities. Setting the suspended vocation aside, all of his future work was to be "dominated by and dedicated to her haunting beauty," as David Macey wrote in The Lives of Michel Foucault (Verso Books).

Denise is the Roberte of Klossowski's drawings and novels. Denise is the one who led his hand to the large-scale drawing graphite and color-pencil sketches executed painstakingly on paper. In Macey’s words: 

Klossowski's novels and drawings make up an imaginary world in which erotic, religious and philosophical themes merge, and, being a self-confessed monomaniac, he has little interest in anything outside that world. Although his work — and especially the trilogy known as Les Lois de l'hospitalité — is sometimes dismissed as misogynist and even pornographic, he insists that it has a mystical content and belongs to a gnostic tradition. Maurice Blanchot endorsed Klossowski's claims when he described his writings as "a mixture of erotic austerity and theological debauchery". Both the novels and the drawings are sequences of scenes, understood in the theatrical sense of that term, and of humiliating encounters between Roberte and characters from a threatening commedia dell'arte. Roberte becomes an object of exchange, circulating endlessly in an erotic economy. She is raped and assaulted, is seduced and seduces, and takes on many different identities but remains unpossessed, inviolable, it being the author's conviction that the deepest level of individuality is a core which is both non-communicable and non-exchangeable. Like the tableaux vivants imagined and staged by de Sade's libertines, Klossowski's words and images betray an obsession with representation itself: representations of plays, of drawings, of drawings of scenes from plays, books about books. They are a theater of simulacra in which everything is represented, and nothing is real. The theatrical scenes that make up the trilogy, in particular, originated in planned drawings that were not actually executed.

Klossowski locates his "theater of simulacra" in the era of ancient Roman decadence, where so-called "simulacra" and simulated effigies of the gods lined the avenues. The presence of the gods on the streets testified to their material existence but also served as a reminder to citizens that worship was required. This was the time of the roadside Herms. What drew Klossowski to these simulacra was their capacity to "sexually determine the divinities they represented, as David Macey explains in his biography of Foucault: "The indeterminacy of their essence was replaced by a materialization, which was that of a sexuality. Gradually, the classical reference became combined with a meditation upon the nature of icons, and the simulacrum is finally defined as constituting the sign of an instantaneous state and cannot establish an exchange between one mind and another, nor permit the transmission of one thought to another... The simulacrum has the advantage of not purporting to fix what it represents or says of an experience; far from precluding it, it implies contradiction."

Michel Foucault’s interest in hermeneutics should be mentioned here, for Foucault discovered a link between the simulacrum and the demon stalking Nietzsche's Gay Science in one of Klossowski's essays. “This is the demon who says that everything in your life... will return to you, all in the same succession and sequence',” Macey observes:

Nietzsche then asks: 'Would you not throw yourself down and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: "You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine"?

The ambiguity of the demon-god is also that of the sign-simulacrum known as Roberte. For Klossowski, language is an unstable medium in which startling transformations can occur. It is also closely related to the body: Roberte is a word made flesh and her body is of a flesh made of words. 

The body-language relationship generates texts which must have appealed greatly to Foucault's own enjoyment of wordplay. In Roberte ce soir, for example, erotic encounters can be couched in the language of Thomist theology, as when Roberte is penetrated by the sed contra of a colossus while she stimulates her own quid est to orgasm.

In addition to a shared obsession with Nietzsche, Foucault and Klossowski also shared a fascination with de Sade. Apart from Blanchot's Sade et Lautréamont, Klossowski's Sade, My Neighbor was one of the first devoted studies of the Marquis. Klossowski read Histoire de la folie intently (it’s not clear that Foucault had read it prior to reading Klossowski’s essay). Gilles Deleuze, who was Klossowski's friend, intimated that Klossowski's work was compelling for a man who resisted the lure of self-definition. All of Klossowski's writing “strives towards a single goal: ensuring the loss of personal identity, dissolving the ego; that is the splendid trophy that Klossowski's characters bring back from a journey to the edge of madness," to quote Deleuze via Macey.

Walking through the tunnel of Danielle Dutton's dresses.

for Daniel Dutton’s dresses

Kiki Smith, “Butterfly” (2000)

i

Danielle Dutton’s “Sixty-Six Dresses I Have Read” moves like a mix between a quotation-collage and a spec-fi installation that gathers dresses from readings into a collaborative space called the page. The speculative quality demands a certain kind of engagement from the reader, namely, a creative one. Imaginations are invited to bear on what emerges, or is made to happen, in those interactions. One loves it so much that one pines away in its lineaments.


ii

—One of Dutton’s dresses.

Biography of a Dress” by Jamaica Kincaid.


iii

Why do these dresses elicit a feeling of recognition for me? What does it mean to “identify with” a dress one has read? Which dresses have I read that did not make Dutton’s list?

Three different narrative approaches come to mind. Three ways of thinking about dresses:

a) a quotation-collage of my dresses modeled on Dutton’s

b) a description of my own experiences with Dutton’s dresses

c) a lyrical enumeration of my dresses in relation to each other, and what they picked out from the world, or what they rendered salient

Obviously, the end should be an appendix that names the dress-makers, themselves.

iv

——A few of Dutton’s dresses that I have worn, with the acknowledgment that the sites where I read them must be designated as spaces in which I, too, was worn by them. Or various loci wherein the book became part of the lived experience.

I read dress 60 in the emergency room of the children's hospital as my youngest mammal lifted each wire attached to her body and demanded to know what it meant. What each line was for. Where it was going. How did this line tell the men in white coats what they wanted to know. Sometimes the syntax got so intense that I had to lay the book near her feet and walk to the door, back and forth preparing a riddle. “Why are the mother and child at the ER at 3 a.m.?” My daughter loves riddles. “To give the vampires who live in the basement eight tubes of blood so that the hospital's electricity doesn't go out.” Leaning to kiss her forehead, I whispered a secret to the stories growing inside it: stay lit, I told them. There was more blood to come. And gawd’s heaven knows life is a cartography of places where you learned how to read that shit. 

I read dress 51 through the Romanian summer with seventeen years attached to my name and limp dragging my right leg slightly behind my body. The limp had its own labor; it met prior surgeries at the negotiating table and made bids on the future. I wasn't part of those negotiations. And there was a limp in Rilke's Paris that hounded my steps each time I wore this dress again, each year I could not resist zipping my aging flesh into its strictures. The balm of familiar cuts, the good whir of elliptical anxiety. I would never be a writer, the dress whispered. Dresses know what they know of the best of it.

Late last year, while reading dress 211, I dreamt in orange. And paused at the point when the speaker mentions how Celia Paul ate when her husband was away on business trips: "No candles. No meat. At dinner she'd read Goethe with rice pudding. 'Half of me is still Paul Becker,' she wrote, 'and the other half is acting as if it were.'“ Celia Paul's 'as if' felt like a hinge zipper in dress 21, or maybe it cast a different angle of light on Paul’s interlocutor in dress 31. which remains a complicated and fantastic dress in the epistolary style. The book is addressed to artist Gwen John, or to her ghost. "You and I have often painted self-portraits by proxy," Paul says.

I read dress 31 in the week that repudiated the persistent imbecility of my idealisms.



v

218 The buttons run like rivets down the front.

220 Wednesday: White dress or what?

237 Tonight men stride like elegant scissors across the lawn / to the women arrayed there, petals waiting to loosen.

280 the douce campagna of that thing!

281 a coat in the barbaric style

289 His white gown and the beige blanket of his bed were wet, scarlet and livid.

290 a gown with a hoop skirt, with a hem of gold

311 causing faint alterations of the status quo

312 liberally and light-heartedly [ . . . ] poeticized at a dainty table

313 swathed in greatcoat

888. I stick a knife in my head

vi

Unnumbered, buried in their beginnings. The others have been worn long enough to develop palettes, textures, and images dangling from their verbs like porn-bots from tweets or beer cans from bumpers carrying away the newly-married. The expectations of luminous whiteness. The first one hangs next to a poem I started and never wanted to finish. A poem I did not want to wear. I left it there. —- The second demands attention; it gives rise to duties. Time is structured by it. Poems get written and hidden, and the white dress participates in this game of being. To be or not be that infamous paraphrase. — I wore the third through so many mornings of breast milk that memories curdle when I permit myself to inhabit it, however briefly. The men are the tools capable of cutting the fabric and shape for the girl’s party dress, and they intrude on tthe dress she is reading until the third dress gets overshadowed by the scissors of fourth, and how their elegant whiskerings destroy me. — I have done abominable things when wearing the fifth; have used this dress to excuse the things I did in it. I would do them again for the pleasure of being so damned.



vii

vix

In a celebrated biography of Proust (Tadié) is a small poorly reproduced 1907 photo of Proust and Alfred Agostinelli seated in their motor vehicle, dressed for a journey. Proust, swathed in a greatcoat, one leg crossed over the other, looks puffy and already bored with wherever they are going.

—- Anne Carson, The Albertine Workout

211. Prairie, Dresses, Art, Other by Danielle Dutton
218. ”The White Dress” by Lynn Emanuel
220. “Emily Dickinson’s To-Do List” by Andrea Carlisle
237. "Party Dress for a First-Born" by Rita Dove
280. “The Well Dressed Man with a Beard” by Wallace Stevens
281. “To a Madonna, Ex-Voto in the Spanish Style” by Anthony Hecht
289. “The Unspoken” by David Hayden
290. “The Scissors and Their Fathers” by Paul Eluard
311. “Sentence” by Donald Barthelme
312. “Walk in the Park” by Robert Walser
313. The Albertine Workout by Anne Carson
888. “100%” by Sonic Youth

Excerpts from 'my X's'

A project with UNA last year, a collaboration in publishing with a class taught by the incredible Jason McCall at UNA: the experience of rapidly typing up my notebooks to try and make sense of them, while playing on the interview as a form that has been so highly professionalized and desaturated that our bodies rarely make an appearance in it. My X’s.

A few excerpts . . .

1.

Imagine if every interview started with epigraphs.

The one who merely flees is not yet free. In fleeing he is still conditioned by that from which he flees.

― Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

 

We can say any truth and any falsehood. We can affirm and negate in the same breath. We can construe material impossibility at will; in the Hegelian dialectic man ‘falls up’. Thus language itself possesses and is possessed by the dynamics of fiction. To speak, either to oneself or to another, is in the most naked, rigorous sense of that unfathomable beauty, to invent, and to reinvent being and the world.

— George Steiner, Real Presences

 

What was passed is present, what will be future is past, and what can never be might return time and time again.

— André Aciman

 

Creative minds know how slight can be the line between flying and falling, between a failure and a co-creation with human fallibility.

— Svetlana Boym

 

2

This is a book, a text, a way of speaking inside a designated context. But texts are not separate from the world in which they are written. Unlike the borders of nation-states or the fences announced by private property, the mind is continuously permeated by the world. Thinking, itself, is an act that involves being altered by thought.

Maybe “this” also refers to the conditions under which this book originated, particularly the coincidence of its proposal in the week following October 7, 2023, as well as the conditions under which it was written. To begin under these conditions is to admit the instability in our ways of knowing so as to inhabit the particular contingencies of authorship. To admit is not a negative thing. Admitting permits us to think into the difficult and to ask hard questions about boundaries, borders, and ethics. In this sense, to admit gives us permission to transgress the facile line between “right” and “wrong” and explore what is destroyed by such lines. We can ask who stands to benefit from administering them. We can use mirrors for something besides self-affirmation. A mirror can reveal the gaps between the way we imagine ourselves and actuality. “Co-creation” turns a monologue into a dialogue that makes creative use of discord and misunderstanding. I make the book as the book makes me; we make each other with every encounter and conversation; we make the world in relation to the ways we know others have made it. The hardest part for humans is that there is no way to know (or control) what others will make of us. Or: what Others will make of Us.

Saying nothing concisely: Macedonio Fernandez.

"Saying nothing is here concise for the first time: until now it always required volumes".

—Macedonio Fernandez, The Museum of Eterna’s Novel (1925-1952)

1

Mount Parnassus, near Delphi, Greece, has two summits. Back in the ancient days, when the gods still roamed the earth seeking sexual partners among humans, one summit of Mount Parnassus was consecrated to Apollo and the Muses, while the other belonged to Bacchus.

The mountain acquired its name from Parnassus, a son of Neptune. Allegedly, Deucalion's ark came to rest there after the flood. Owing to its connexion with the Muses, Parnassus came to be regarded as the seat of poetry and music; hence To climb Parnassus is "to write poetry".

I’ve been musing about muses, great and small, worshipped or banished. Gratuitously, a “muse” is one who inspires art. Given the gender hierarchy elicited by this word (the Muses served the men’s creations), ‘muse’ has been read as a trope for male supremacy in art. The man needs his muse to make art; the woman is responsible for keeping him inspired and excited. She is whatever he makes her, as Alberto Moravia demonstrated across various fictions.

2

Anna Akhmatova’s poem “The Muse,” was written or published in 1924. It is given to us below in English as translated by Stanley Kunitz and Max Hayward.

She answers: “Yes.”

I want to leave the riddle of this poem aside for a minute and read it against its grain, as a framing device for the muse.

If you stand near the left side and look at the ellipsis in the center, “she” is there. She is the one whom the speaker attends. She is “her whom no one can command.” She is, obviously, also known as Inspiration. But as you stand here, peering at the poem from the left, following the ellipsis down to the definitive and final yes, there is something else you notice about the muse, apart from her gender.

By closing this poem with a confirmation from the muse, Akhmatova (perhaps unintentionally) plays into emptiness of that affirmation. For, she remains nameless. She is simply the titular whose yes issues from a cloud of fury, flute in hand, “serene and pitiless,” but still anonymous and unknowable. We can’t grasp or hold Akhmatova’s muse. We can supplicate and placate her, but we cannot control her. This romanticized notion of the Muse as female spirit informed even the Surrealist conception of gender: Breton’s novel could not exist without its Nadja.

3

To scat a bit, or to follow the sonic thread into its less ‘intelligible’ modulations, amusement is an affective response to an encounter with the muse, whether real or imagined. A museum is where the muses are collected for others to admire. A curator is the boss who elects what gets preserved and displayed for posterity; the curator is the cleric of reigning muses. Author Macedonio Fernández engaged these varying velocities with his anti-novel, The Museum of Eterna's Novel, that imagined itself as a museum for nostalgia. Make no mistake: it is the imagining that matters to Macedonio, who began writing the book in 1925, and continued wandering through his imaginary museum until his death in 1952.

The novel or museum or nostalgia is a thing that he never entirely finished, and so Museum was published posthumously, 15 years after the death of the author in Argentina (a decade or so before the death of the author in continental philosophy). 

Jorge Luis Borges named Macedonio as one of his muses. But, unlike other modernists, Macedonio had no intent of founding a school or a manifesto party. His refusal of chronology and linear progression was necessitated by his own neo-Pythagorean talismans against hypochondria and constant worry. Where other modernists used stream-of-consciousness as an ornamental facade that guised how the plot was ‘getting to the point’ and drawing us along the arc that peaks in the usual climax, Macedonio diverted, discoursed, meandered, dreamt, reconsidered, and shifted through the ether plotlessly. He made sure to preface this plotlessness with more than 50 potential prologues, preambles, prolegomena, and provocations served to the reader prior to the main course of the text.

Georges Perec, Michel Leiris, 'projected novels', and George Steiner's 'unfinished books' bobbed through my mind like ducks in a bathtub mind when I returned to the Museum of Eterna this weekend (particularly since Joycean stream-of-consciousness has returned to the discourse). 

My marginalia from prior readers included questions (What happens to time and duration in the present? What is time in the museum where one's relationship to time is transformed by conversation with objects? Who is the speaker of the book the author ghosted? ) as well as a note about a character that I snuck into a short fiction that I never submitted for publication, partly because the reference felt too obscure, but mostly for the usual reason known as self-doubt. The character note —- use her song in that story that plays with Eliade — is scribbled next to this passage by Macedonio:

A Romanian woman once sang me a phrase of folk music and I have since found it tens of times in different works from different composers of the past four hundred years. Indubitably: things do not begin; or they don’t begin when they are created. Or the world was created old.

One could say I, too, have mused Macedonio. The way he literally imagines his characters as separate from him, as shadows released into the world by the author’s imagination, was a formative fictional influence for me. What do characters do when the author is sleeping or failing to submit his draft on time? How do they deal with our extraordinary self-doubt that translates into a penchant for fiddling which refuses to commit the text to closure, just in case another character should pop in and make sense of the madness?

Macedonio says of the characters:

It’ll be necessary that some of them have altercations and even become enemies, as is obvious, considering the close quarters they share, living in the same novel: characters destined to be permanent rivals, or those who are so only for a moment, must both conduct themselves as people who nevertheless share the same death, at the same place and time: the end of the book.

The text is a museum but also a novel, which Macedonio defines as a formal expression of the imaginary. “Author: I shouldn’t say to the reader, ‘Come into my novel,’ but rather save him from life indirectly,” he writes. “My quest is that every reader should enter my novel and lose himself in it; the novel will take him in, bewitch him, empty him out.”

In its layers of frenzied avowals, the novel vacates the reader. We read to become nothing, or to relish the author’s preference for a gnostic plenitude of nada. Subtitled "the first good novel", the Museum makes deploys injunctions until the syntax, itself, begins to resemble a literary manifesto. Macedonio demands "constant fantasy" of his words, a stream of half-conscious phantastes that protect the reader from the horror of embodied reality, a horror that the author refuses the status of reality. The pages must “avoid the hallucination of reality, which is a blemish on the face of art.” 

Borges lost faith in his muse as his own fame grew. In this, Borges meets the countless writers and thinkers who abandoned viscosity for a more respectable, orderly cosmogony in their later years. To Borges' chagrin, Macedonio never really changed his tune on relativism: the only real world was the one in our heads. His commitment to modernism refused the industrialized Progress implied by GNP and GDP. He lived his aversion to productivism as praxis rather than theory. Perhaps most notably, he managed not to avoid modernism's tendencies to indulge in literary neocolonialism. 

Modeling our plethoras of swank and messianic pragmatism, American authors have disavowed most of that relativist namby-pamby, which is to say, we have privatized it as a locus of magic that only exists between the patient and their therapist. But Macedonio looks up from his hermetic cave and points to the indescribable images on the wall. He cannot remember drawing them. Is he the author or the interpreter? Who will explain what he imagines?

Privileging the act of thinking and imagining over existing inside the terms defined by others, Macedonio's commitment to the imaginary can be read alongside critical theory's focus on literature as a space where the world of the future might (and must) appear.

On a funnier note, rumor has it that Macedonio was a descendant of the Macedonio family of Naples, Italy who claimed descent from the Macedonian dynasty of Eastern Rome and Philip II of ancient Macedonia. “Saying nothing is here concise for the first time: until now it always required volumes,” as Macedonia wrote.

Turning directly to the reader with his cavernous You, Macedonio promises: "You will be the one who changes Thought to Love and I will be the pause or the anticipation during which time cannot change things.” One is undone by such preposterous, metaphysical intimacy.

Richter's lustrated photographs.

1

I’m think of archives, photographs, and alterity in the reading of the ordinary. Susan Howe’s Spontaneous Particulars: The Telepathy of Archives deploys the chance encounter and temporal to place archives in conversation with one another. In these telepathic archives, the image serves as a sort of communicative interlocutor who instructs the reader on what to make of it. Howe locates a "visionary spirit, a deposit from a future yet to come," in the domain of research libraries and special collections. This "mystic documentary telepathy" arrives suddenly, pressing "things-in-themselves" against "things-as-they-were-for-us."

Here, the poet centers the "insignificant" material details: "quotations, thought-fragments, rhymes, syllables, anagrams, graphemes, endangered phonemes, in soils and cross-out." Howe rewrote William Carlos Williams' Paterson — an archival study of the scholar's relationship to the text.

This playful engagement of archives lends itself to poesis. But archives are more complicated where I come from. . . archives are expected to provide a sort of justice. I should begin with a word, lustration, that hangs over European history as well as art. The etymology draws on the ancient Latin word, lustratio, meaning “purification by sacrifice”:

“Purification by sacrifice” is an action undertaken to restore lost purity, and that is certainly the way many politicians have attempted to efface the past crimes of governments: name the dirty ones and ask them to stand as scapegoats for the things ordinary citizens did at a time when their governments funded and sustained genocide, war crimes, and pageants perfumed by patriotism.

Baptism, itself, is a form of lustrating ritual. For context, however, here is an excerpt from Wikipedia’s entry on the lustrations of the 1990’s in Central and Eastern Europe:

Lustration in Central and Eastern Europe is the official public procedure of scrutinizing a public official or a candidate for public office in terms of their history as a witting confidential collaborator (informant) of relevant former communist secret police, an activity widely condemned by the public opinion of those states as morally corrupt due to its essential role in suppressing political opposition and enabling persecution of dissidents. Surfacing of evidence for such a past activity typically inflicts severe reputation damage to the person concerned. It should not be confused with decommunization which is the process of barring former communist regular officials from public offices as well as eliminating communist symbols.

The principle of non-retroactivity means that a past role of a confidential collaborator (informant) is alone as such inadmissible from the beginning for criminal prosecution or conviction, thus, lustration allows at least to bring such past collaborators to moral responsibility by making the public opinion aware of the established outcomes through their free dissemination. Another motivation was the fear that undisclosed past confidential collaboration could be used to blackmail public officials by foreign intelligence services of other former Warsaw Pact allies, in particular Russia.

Depending on jurisdiction, either every positive result or only the one obtained regarding a person who falsely declared otherwise, may trigger consequences varying greatly among jurisdictions, ranging from mere infamy to purging the person from office and a 10-year exclusion from holding public offices. Various forms of lustration were employed in post-communist Europe.

In the curation of historical memory, the interest of the nation-state and empire often diverges from that of the scholar. Public memory, after genocide and war, demands recollection, or re-collecting.

2

Horst Richter was a school teacher, a father, a community member known for his staunch, traditional valorization of family life. He was also a member of the Nazi Socialist Party, a war veteran, an owner of faded Nazi uniforms. 

When the postwar lustration of German Nazis began, Horst lost his teaching license. His son, Gerhard Richter, spent his childhood in the Third Reich. Many years later, Gerhard vaguely recalled the attractions of militarism as a young member of the Hitler Youth. Childhood marks its weather on the basis of sunniness, and how close the next son is to the rays of the father. 

Gerhard Richter's photographs lustrate themselves by over-exposing the image. I am staring at a photograph of his aunt, Marianne, who was committed to an asylum for schizophrenia at the age of 18.  By the war's end, 3,272 patients of the state mental institution had been murdered as part of the Nazi program to exterminate the mentally ill or socially unstable. Aunt Marianne was among them.

Richter implies that his uncle worked at the hospital where Aunt Marianne was interned. 

Werner Heyde was one of the psychiatrists who organized Nazi Germany's T-4 Euthanasia Program. When the war ended, Heyde was imprisoned along with other Nazi officials. In 1947, Heyde escaped. Hidden behind the alias Fritz Sawade, Heyde practiced sports medicine and psychiatry in the town of Flensburg. He shopped at the grocery store. He served as an expert witness in local court cases. For 13 years, Mr. Sawade lived as an ordinary, upper-middle-class German until a falling-out with a friend led to his identity being betrayed. 

On November 12, 1959, Werner Heyde turned himself in to police in Frankfurt, ending 13 years as a fugitive. The picture below was taken at his arrest.

In 1964, a few days before he was put on trial for his war crimes, Heyde knotted a noose and ended his own life.

Gerhard Richter painted "Herr Heyde" in 1965 based on Heyde's arrest photo. It is no longer on display anywhere. The painted caption reads: "Werner Heyde in November 1959, turning himself in to the authorities." Richter described this painting as an effort to evoke the paranoia of realizing that one’s neighbors served as functionaries in the state apparatus of genocide. 

In 2002, Richter still claimed that there was no conscious link between his aunt's deaths and the juxtaposition of these early family portraits. Childhood is when the family portrait is strange but not yet evil: it hasn’t been developed in a darkroom yet.

3

There is a poem by Phillis Wheatley that speaks to recollection here, in the US: it is a brilliant poem and I find myself leaning along its edges and rhyme schemes, noting how formal rules often served as tests for demonstrating poetic competence. In 1761, a slave ship brought the poet from West Africa to Boston, where she was purchased by a rich tailor and his wife. Six years later, Wheatley’s first poem was published in Newport, Rhode Island’s local newspaper.

In 1773, Wheatley published her only collection of books, Poems on Various Subjects, Religious and Moral, with a press in London. It was the first published book by what historians called “African-Americans,” at a time, of course, when that moniker referred to Black persons enslaved by white men. Wheatley, herself, was still enslaved when this groundbreaking book was published. She was officially ‘freed’ in 1778 and she went on to marry another freedman, John Peters. But Peters abandoned her and their children in Boston. This city, Boston, is where Phillis lived in poverty, losing two children and nursing a mortally ill child when she died and was buried in an unmarked grave.

Here is one of the thirty-six poems published in Phillis Wheatley’s book:

After purchasing his slave, John Wheatley ‘gave her’ an American name. He re-baptized her. He purified her of all connections to what she calls her “Pagan land” in first line of “On Being Brought from Africa to America.” The relationship between colonialism and Messianism continues to haunt US policy. Whenever an ethnic group or nationality is described as ancestrally related to Cain, I cringe with disgust. There is nothing harmless or innocent in colonialism’s sick and vicious gods.

The Thought-Piece That Can't Think It's Self

Literary criticism is, to me, a literary form: a type of writing that uses language to reveal the mind at work in reading and interpreting a text. George Steiner, William Gass, Kenneth Burke, Susan Sontag, and Robert Boyers, among others, strung together stunning combinations of words in order to describe their response to books. Perhaps that’s why I’m surprised by the complaints about an absence of rigorousness in contemporary critique? How we measure rigor, or what constitutes rigor, is often evaded in these complaints, many of which emerge as “thought-pieces” laden by a rigorous vapidity calculated to solicit the viral attention of the hot-take.

If rigor reflects the satisfaction of certain intellectual form, we should remember that an episteme is desirous: it tells us about what a mind wants to know as well as the way in which it wants to know such things. Epistemic desire is satisfied differently and what is interesting is not being convinced of one’s desire—not being convicted (the judge), condemned (the priest), or sold (salesman)—but being expanded to fathom the possibility.

Rigor is close attention to the shape of possibility, a shape that is frequently foreclosed by policing the boundaries of how thought should look. A critic whose focus is policing the borders loses the opportunity to think about how borders are constituted, and what it means to be constitutive. There is more intellectual labor at play in tracing the entrails of one’s personal misogyny through a New Critical reading than in denying such a thing could be possible. Or tucking one’s shirt into neutrality. Denial is easy but it isn't interesting or difficult, though templates abound.

According to proponents of the liberal arts, literature produces empathy in the reader. How can we, as writers, evaluate a book while speaking as if the critic is not, herself, another reader whose emotional experience and socialization determine her interpretive dance?

While trying to find words for the difference between studying the self and inhabiting the implicated subject, I came across a 2016 article that reads as if written in the present. In the year when the final videocassette recorder was manufactured, writer and editor Jason Guriel howled his lament against nefarious tendencies in contemporary criticism from the pages of the Canadian Walrus, bringing nothing short of his full-throated, first-person pronoun to bear on the excessive indulgence of what he calls “confessional criticism.” Launching his argument from the titular claim “I Don’t Care About Your Life”, Guriel immediately offers us a glimpse of his own in the first sentence:

Browsing the arts and culture pages of various websites recently, I kept running smack into it: the first-person pronoun, as conspicuous as a Corinthian column.

To note, that's an "I" in the title and an "I" in the introductory sentence. 

"Surely he's attempting to poke fun at his own title," I thought. An "I" for an "I" leaves a cool (if slightly hysterical) ripple on the surface of the opening, and ripples are not uncommon in preludes, but then, while re-reading the tail end of that big-engine yacht: I kept running smack into it: the first-person pronoun, as conspicuous as a Corinthian column.  

One could blame the Corinthian column’s splendor for Guriel’s fumbling of this opening. One could blame me for writing any of this as I sit on hold with our health insurance company to find out if the medication my child needs to live will be covered this year. One could accuse me of ruining the effect of an serious essay by mentioning the personal conditions under which thinking, or the act of surveying possibility in relation to logic, is conducted. I would not deny it; ruins and their ruinscapes fascinate me.

Giovanni B. Piranesi, Seven columns of the Temple of Juturna with Corinthian capitals . . . (18th century)

What I appreciate about Guriel's essai is the fact that he articulates it from behind the very first-person he derides. What I depreciate is Guriel’s failure to acknowledge that the essay reads like that of one who assumes his own authority and reliability can be proven as a subject where he glides above the “messily human” like a god in one of those temples with Corinthian columns and whatnot.

Readers more luminous than I have celebrated the shift towards epistemic exposure where the critic doesn’t hide behind the presumption of neutral scholarship. If we like something, we speak to the liking self. A preference is always personal, even if it is popular, even if it becomes canonical and adored by infinity. 

At present, the human condition is still relational. One can imagine a day when this will not be the case, but as yet, in the moment, the writer addresses an audience while  expressing their relation to a text. Meaning is negotiated between the text, the audience, and the speaker. Thus, interpretation depends on what is claimed in relation to what has been read. (And if this claim changes in relation to what has been "said" or elocuted.) 

The "I" is always there, however hidden: the critic is neither ghost nor godhead. What Guriel holds against this visible 'I' is that it doesn’t "guarantee more honest criticism." Surely carrying this thought directly to you, his readers, would involve defining “honest." For there are many ways of being honest, and the insurance salesman believes he is giving me the honest truth when he barters his wares. 

"What do you think this editor means by honesty?" I asked my friend Radu.

To his credit, Radu gnaws his bone and pretends as if I do not exist. As for Guriel, he takes issue with "first-person pronouns, micro-doses of memoir, brief hits of biography," critics who "wrestle with themselves" rather than sticking to "their assigned cultural object," critics who "embrace sincerity and locate cultural objects in relation to their own lives," critics involved with the Internet, critics with high "regard for pop culture," critics that exhibit a  "declining belief in tradition or canon" and "David Foster Wallace," in general. 

What Guriel likes is unclear–he doesn’t name names–and the closest he comes to expressing favor is when he nods towards Virginia Woolf in order to warn us that "the confessional voice is dangerously attractive." This dangerous attractiveness stems from a moral issue, namely, it enables the writer to 'indulge' their "egoism to the full." 

Immediately, I began to suspect that such a dangerously attractive voice, such an indulgent and limitlessly-egotistical voice, would refuse to define the terms upon which it based its argument. Such a voice might assume, instead, that the emphatic tone of communication validates the emotion and frees the speaker from the labor of developing an argument. 

But is it unreliable? Apparently, it cannot be because "the unreliable narrator is a cliche, and such confessions have long since become codified and suspect," Guriel adds. Codified, suspect, confessions, cliche: the words begin to smack of a courtroom drama with its stacks of legalistic cliches and evasive hyperboles. But Guriel is just getting started with the legal undertone, for soon he demands "a temporary moratorium on the memoir" in order to protect readers from his own disdain for the fabulous Geoff Dyer.

"Good criticism, like good films, will always give the impression of depth, of a presiding, trustworthy personality," Guriel concludes. To be fair, the Cambridge Dictionary defines the adjective 'trustworthy' to mean "able to be trusted"; "reliable"; "honest"; "straight"; "sincere"; "truthful". 

Fortunately, after being on hold for 38 minutes, the insurance specialist has appeared on the phone. She is ready to discuss payment plans. Having exhausted my time on hold, I return to the work at hand. But not without noticing that Guriel's ideal trustworthy personality seems oddly unsettled by its own sincerity. In the "depth" of that "presiding" persona on the page, the critic fails to notice his own I lumbering grumpily across the page. The chastising tone and the argument from personal feeling  makes Guriel sound a tad cliche, a bit like that unreliable narrator he chides— a mistake that the brilliant Geoff Dyer would never make. 

Unsaids.

My day opened into Dada, or the gist of it. Going back through the archives of Documents, marking the correspondences between Michel Leiris’ writing and that of Georges Bataille— the unsaid vibrates throughout.

Dusk of a few days prior. A phone call from C., who insists that the existentialist relationship to absurdity is acknowledgment followed by a continuance of life. Dada positions itself in a similar relationship to meaninglessness, but occupies a different aesthetic practice, namely, a sort of clowning that seeks to fill out the contours of absurdity and creates awakening.

Tristan Tzara’s “Simultaneous poems for four voices plus simultaneous with 300 definitive idiocies” brought about a special dimension to text that foregrounded sound, or perhaps it moved the poem towards music, or maybe it expanded the field of the poem to the point of meeting the intersection between the infinite in the void.

Simultaneous poetry, invented by Tristan Tzara and Richard Hulsenbeck, was intended to deconstruct the text by its simultaneous reading in several different languages. Hans Richter a friend and collaborater of Dadaists, defined simultaneous poetry as a "contrapuntal recitative in which three or more voices speak, sing, whistle, etc.. simultaneously, in such a way that the resulting combinations account for the total effect of the work, elegiac, funny or bizzare.”

—-Hans Richter, Dada: Art and Anti-art quoted in Subversive Body in Performance Art

Dada didn’t hold the literal reading against the language. What Dada reproached was language's presumed connection to the rational, a presumption that permitted the construction of systems.

The condition of the “not yet sayable”

At which point is expression abolished?

In French, de faire express means to do some thing on purpose, and I always hear that when the word expression inches into conversations about abstract expressionism or representation.


Andre Masson, Armchair for Pauline Borghese

Packing an overnight bag and pausing near the stack of books I am currently reading, pausing and leaning over to kiss them: “I’ll be back,” and hoping the teens don’t catch me whispering tenderly to the books. The absurdity—-and yet, I mean it.

Radu’s food and his bone and the t-shirt I keep in the car, for nights that descend without pajamas. Harried.

The hustle and the harry, briefly interrupted by pleasure of conversing with Idra Novey, and lacking time to do justice to the breadth of her poetics, the intersections with her translation practice, the role of images in the textual encounter with the dead . . . “Our Good Ghosts” exists, with gratitude to Orion, but there is always something missing. Always an absence in my obsession with being exhaustive, an obsession whose impossibility I recognize, and perhaps require as a suspending void beneath the tightrope one walks when writing about the writing of others.

Soon and Wholly running the ramparts in my head. Poems that move with the suppleness of a hand in a sepia photo, watering roses—-the face absented, the hand’s owner abstracted from the motion of tending and close attention.

Idra Novey opens "Letters to C.", her series of poems addressed to Clarice Lispector, with a roman numeral, "I.", and then shifts into the epistolary address:

Dear C, I'm turning from.

The end-stopped line refers obliquely to the turn in the epigraph, a quotation from Clarice Lispector's letter to Fernando Sabino, dated 1946:

At three in the afternoon, I'm the most demanding woman in the world . . . When it's over, six in the afternoon comes, also indescribable, in which I turn blind. 

A conversation that picks up from one thread of the unsaid leads into a new unsaying:

I made a mess of page twenty-two,
couldn't resurrect what you left unsaid
into words that wouldn't. 

This one-stanza poem shapes itself as a letter that crawls down the page rather than across it. The shape does not give us that horizon. 

It leaves us in a single line: "I. N." The unidentified. The translator. 

Unsaid: The dreams that follow me into the kitchen, the ghosts that grab my chin and force me to look at them, the way the world whirls away mid-conversation when unsaid things run their goosebumps over my arms, my legs, the whorl of their Listen. 

"Continue to speak this dialect, now that the house is burning," Giorgio Agamben says of poetry in When the House Burns Down.

And there is something lucid hewn from the possibility preserved by the unsaid. The best way to describe it is by looking at how much is said, how much is spoken and communicated across alienating mediums and disguises. 

Agamben urges us to trust that moment when we look at one another without posing words, screens, and Beauty between us. 

Trust the unsaid that doesn't fear being read in simultaneity, amid the absurdity of dailiness—- the demands of those roses.

Trust a stone to keep the whole story carved into it.

Trust the bark of a tree in Tuscaloosa.

On the politics of poetry.

[I discovered this post in my website’s drafts . . . which makes it seem a bit dated, if not for the fact that I returned to Pat Parker this morning while mired in editing. And so I am sharing the unfinished draft in the hopes that this very unfinishedness adds another dimension to the original drift . . .]

1

As Israeli’s Right-wing regime shuts down Al Jazeera offices and uses its power to further limit free speech and reporting on the part of those bearing witness to war crimes, I keep trying to parse the utter absurdity of PEN America's refusal to demand a ceasefire in Gaza, a refusal that the board justifies on the basis of not wanting to "be political."

—As if defending the books of LGBTQ authors in Alabama against banning isn't political.

—As if the panel PEN America generously funded in Birmingham, Alabama on bodily autonomy and the criminalization of abortion in my home state wasn't flagrantly political, from the panelists, themselves, to the location of this event at Burdock Book Collective.

PEN International was formed to advocate for political dissidents in 1921—that was the immediate impetus, to protect writers from carceral states that sought to imprison them and limit their speech for political reasons. The PEN International Charter was approved at the 1948 Copenhagen Congress. The original language of the Charter has always been interpreted as a demand for activism, as PEN notes on its website: “We hold meetings with key decision makers to secure legislative and policy change. We work with national governments, regional human rights bodies and international organisations. We submit reports and recommendations, including submissions to the Human Rights Council’s Universal Periodic Review.” Annual resolutions evidence the calling-out and naming of nation-states currently involved in gross crimes against human freedom and speech.

If literature weren’t political, PEN America would have no reason to exist.

The Vice President of PEN America, Dinaw Mengetsu, said as much. And so I return to poetry—between deadlines and failures—to remind myself, briefly, that the powerful (including the highly-educated staffers surrounding Joe Biden) fear justice and social change more than they fear catastrophe. Many of them would rather promote catastrophe through legislation, as with the mind-boggling “no red lines” support of Israel and the billions of dollars given to corporations fueling climate change, than imagine a world that refuses this.

The US government funds a genocide and arrests student protestors for refusing to go along with it. The problem is that the protestors can imagine a world without genocide, and this is unbearable to the national-security statists.

2

Poetry also does this work of imagining the impossible. Poetry carries protest beneath its skirt, tucked into its back pocket, buried beneath the closed eyes of an elegy.

Poetry imagines the impossible because the world that we have been given remains intolerable.

Intolerable: this neoliberal air-conditioned nightmare run by the cynical billionaires whose dark money determines US electoral outcomes.

Intolerable: this pageant of cowards in business attire, engorged bylines dripping from their mouths, and resumes so rich that ones needs an antacid to even glance at them.

Intolerable: the paucity of thought in the lives of these ‘thought leaders,’ and the absence of self-consciousness, an awareness of their own thoughtlessness, and a conscience that makes getting things wrong more important than defending their over-published egos.

The intolerables stack and no think-piece can touch the mess in my head; no directive or slogan can settle the ghosts of Gaza’s children, whose lives have been torn from them as the Western superpowers watch and mumble platitudes about “well, if Hamas hadn’t done it what it did, then all these innocent children would haven’t to be dead. . .”


3

Yesterday, I found myself returning to one of Pat Parker’s poems for guidance. A simple poem about love. A poem that does love rather than smother it with roses and ornaments.

Pat Parker knew that poetry was political. She knew what she knew as a Black lesbian-feminist poet and performer. She stood on those stages and spoke her body into those poems to deny the neutrality of white liberals. She did not exist to console or comfort the politically-powerful.

Child of Myself, Parker’s debut poetry collection, was published in 1972, and gave us a series of poems that refused to abandon the child in herself that had been abandoned by family. Like countless poets from Rainer Rilke Rilke to Diane Di Prima, Parker needed to change her life in order to be able to write. And she did so repeatedly, moving back and forth between poetry, activism, and family, attempting to unite these things rather than find herself continuously divided by them.

[When she died, Parker was survived by her partner of nine years, Martha (“Marty”) Dunham, and their daughter, Anastasia Dunham-Parker-Brady, as well as the daughter she co-parented, Cassidy Brown.]

Pat Parker and Audre Lorde.

Personal experience served as the basis for Parker’s knowledge. She married playwright Ed Bullins in 1962, and spent four years “scared to death,” in her own words. Then she married writer and publisher Robert F. Parker, with whom she had two children. The two agreed to a divorce, since Parker felt trapped by heterosexual marriage.

She had her first reading of her poetry in 1963. Her style is hopeful and tender, yet often marked by sharp social commentary grounded in spoken word tradition and radical politics. By the late 1960s, Parker identified as lesbian and played a prominent civil rights activist in the Bay Area. 

In 1976, Parker’s sister, Shirley Jones, was murdered by her husband and his gun. Parker’s autobiographical Womanslaughter (1978) spoke into the grief and fury.

The Black Panther Party radicalized Parker. Determined to live as herself, a Black lesbian woman and a poet who made no distinction between the lyric and the pamphlet in her struggles for gender, racial, and sexual equality. As Jeffrey Davies has written:

Among her most provocative and subversive poetry of the time period was a 1978 poem entitled “For Willyce,” which describes a session of lesbian lovemaking and famously ends with the lines, “here it is, some dude’s / getting credit for what / a woman / has done, / again.”

Throughout the 1970s, Parker strengthened her craft by continuing to write rebellious poetry and teaching creative writing workshops. She also began healing past trauma through her work, including the murder of her sister at the hands of her ex-husband by way of the poem “Woman Slaughter.” It was these personal instances of violence at the hands of men, which had occurred throughout her entire life, that fueled the poet to further the fight for women’s rights and equality.

On November 13, 1985, Pat Parker, who was working as an administrator at the Oakland Feminist Women’s Health Center, sat down and wrote the following in a letter to Audre Lorde, with whom she had shared a close (often epistolary) friendship since the two first met in 1969:

I informed the women at the Health Center that I am leaving effective January 1st. I am going to come home to my machine and do what I’ve always wanted. Write. I’ve talked this over and over with Marty and she is being absolutely wonderful and supportive. She’s helping me compile a mailing list to try and get readings to supplement my income and we’ve worked out a budget and looked at where we can cut back and cut out and off to make it, so that the pressure of earning money isn’t so great that I have to spend all my time hustling gigs and still not get the writing done.

Intolerable: the way white supremacy has evolved into the meritocracy of exemplarity groomed by neoliberal ideology.

Intolerable: the way those merits get listed on resumes and collected for value.

Intolerable: neoliberalism’s biopower-driven regulation of relationships between humans, and how the gatekeeping of gender is now part of that regulatory function.

“To have an African American body, a queer body, a female body, means that you live an interior life but also an exterior life, one that may be on guard constantly, even in crisis," Kazim Ali said once, in reference to political poetry and to Pat Parker's poetry, more specifically. "It is frightening to me that we live with a madness, that we continue to move through our lives as if these and more were normal occurrences," Pat Parker said in an interview. The normalization of this endless crisis and the pseudo-solutions offered by Wellness Industrialists is galling precisely because the personal and the political are not oppositional. The personal and political are not separate boxes. Love for others is not separate from love for the world.

Despite neoliberalism, amor mundi is relational, as a hope for loved ones that mingles with hope for the world.

"I come cloudy," Parker confesses in a shimmering poem titled "Love Isn't”.

The title prepares us for an inventory poem, a list of things that love is not, but Parker has different plans. She moves against this expectation into a visceral tenderness that could be addressed to a lover:

I wish I could be
the lover you want
come joyful
bear brightness
like summer sun

As a Black lesbian-feminist poet and performer, Parker lays the world she wishes for against the world she is given. The next stanza opens with a turn, an "Instead" that mentions the unsunny things she brings: "I bring pregnant women / with no money"; "bring angry comrades / with no shelter"; bring difficulty; bring those abandoned and harmed by the world. *

Structured in nine stanzas that move from expressing what the speaker wishes to what the speaker does, the poem is shaped to speak loosely to the ancient rhetorical form known as the apologia. The first seven stanzas create this gorgeously structured form of alternating anaphora:

I wish I could be
Instead
I wish I could take you
Instead
I wish I could take you
Instead
I wish I could be

Within these stanzas, Parker repeats the verbs "bring" and "come," adding a litany of possible disappointments: 

I come rage
bring city streets 
with wine and blood
bring cops and guns
with dead bodies and prison

"I come sad," the speaker admits. 

Then, the eighth stanza changes course. Here, in a simple couplet, the poem breaks free from the anaphora to make an intimate (and fairly abstracted) claim:

All I can give
is my love.

The final stanza winds this simple claim into a larger portrait of what it means to love, and what this commits the poet to doing and feeling, Parker uses a new verb, a verb associated with nurture and tending and tenderness. To love is to "care for":

I care for you
I care for our world
if I stop
caring about one
it would be only
a matter of time
before I stop
loving
the other.

Everything hinges on the sudden appearance of the conditional here—-if I stop—and this conditional injects the numinousness of counterfactual into the solid, the constructed, the heavy builtness of the made world.

"Poetry should allow others to wonder at explosions," Jenny Boully has written. Poetry should permit us to imagine the explosions of the buildings and shelters that cannot sustain us. The ‘Us’ is always there in the other. The poem’s other lures the poet from the I’s corset. Today, it helped me to listen to Pat Parker reading “My Lover Is a Woman”

Soundgarden interlude.

Or, the week I rediscovered headphones and actually used them to listen to music while family life whirred around me.

I've given everything I need
I'd give you everything I own
I'd give in if it could at least be ours alone

I've given everything I could
To blow it to hell and gone
Burrow down in and blow up the outside

The studio version of Soundgarden’s "Blow Up the Outside”.

The version of “Blow Up the Outside” that Soundgarden featured on Down on the Upside.

Love poem. Lunch. And linkage.

Two poems with hyperlinks that may resemble musical interludes or segues or stitches. (Also, word on twitter from Jeff Melnick: Clem Snide is touring this autumn.)

Andy Warhol, Piss Painting, 1961.

"Lunch" by David Saint John


Even the morning dreams of it

Bent over those torn envelopes or steaming
Papers those Cubist towers
Of paper clips and pink erasures

We think we understand so much but nobody
Ever mentions the secrets of lunch

We plan to meet in some cafe
As the sunlight pours off the buildings
Onto the striped canopies the umbrellas above
The white tables

As usual I’ll be late
Stopping on the way to look at books or scarves
Wondering how you’ll tell me
Finally to go screw myself once and for all

The secretaries leaving their martinis
The executives phoning in from God-knows-where

I even knew a man who ate lunch
In typewriter stores driving all the clerks mad
Leaving cigarettes burning on the display desks
Rye seeds in the immaculately polished keys
Even poems in the carriage

So here we are again bent over
Those inscribed tablets those endless commandments
Of the menu

Where the choice of wine is blood
James Joyce once said or clear electricity

"Love Poem" by Paul Hostovsky

I love this poem.
I would do anything 
for this poem.
I am not above
stealing for example.
I stole in the past
and I stole from the past
and I'd gladly steal from your past 
for this poem.
I would lie
for the sake of this poem.
I would lie in the face of this poem 
just to make the poem face me.
Just to feel on my face the hot, sweet, faint 
bad-tooth breath of the poem. 
I could sink to anything. 
I think I could kill.
I think I have killed
for the shape, the sheer 
body
of this poem. 
Look how beautiful
feel how impossible,
this slender, limned thing 
weighing next to nothing, 
saying next to nothing. 
Saying everything. 
Everything.

Fassbinder's "Answers to Questions from Schoolchildren"

In 1979/80 a German school class sent out the following questionnaire. The first twenty six questions were asked of all the respondents; the last six questions, the so-called Personal Questionnaire, were formulated individually for each participant in the survey. What follows are Rainer Werner Fassbinder’s responses to these questions (the annotations are my own).

Do you find it difficult not to feel like an outsider in a group of people you don't know?

Depends on the group. In most of them, yes.

Do you consider it likely that there could be an evolutionary regression that would take us back to a very primitive stage of existence?

No.

Do you believe in the existence of extraterrestrial beings?

Yes.

How do you picture your old age?

I don't expect to experience it.

What do you think of Christmas without a Christmas tree?

People who have been brought up so hypocritically that they need such symbols should just be left alone until we have a society where such things aren't necessary anymore.

How do you react to negative criticism?

Positively.

What party game do you like best?

The Truth Game. (1)

What do you think about the hostility toward children in the Federal Republic?

There is a larger problem, that of people who have been showered with too much fake love, and thereby help to preserve society in its present form.

Do you see the mentally ill as a burden to our society?

In our society there's no one who isn't mentally ill.

Do you find it difficult to show your feelings uninhibitedly to someone close to you?

No.

Under what conditions would you be prepared to make a great sacrifice?

For love.

In time of personal crisis, would you consult a psychiatrist or a psychologist?

Certainly.

What degree have you earned?

None.

Would you be willing to adopt a handicapped child?

No. (2)

Do you think other people like you?

I make it so hard for other people to like me that only a few are left.

Do you look forward to the future, or do you approach it with pessimism?

That's not an issue for me.

Who is your hero, and why?

Heinrich von Kleist, because he succeeded in finding someone who wanted to die with him.

Were you brought up in an authoritarian way? If so, do you regret it?

No.

When and why were you last embarrassed?

I'm always embarrassed when a person in uniform looks at me.

What does your self-confidence rest on?

On my skill.

What do you consider most important in a relationship between partners?

Constantly reexamining the values on which the partnership is based.

Do you see nuclear energy plants as a threat?

No.

Do you allow yourself to be influenced by other people's moods?

Depends on the moods.

What do you think is needed for a perfect Sunday morning?

Caviar, champagne, the Eighth Symphony of Mahler, "radio activity" by Kraftwerk, the Sunday Bild paper, a book so exciting you don't want it to end, a friend, a good friend, and the possibility of unplugging the phone.

In your experience, what trait or what kind of behavior has turned out to be particularly helpful in establishing contact with others?

I can't answer that like a normal person; for me it's my so-called prominence.

Are your television plays based on true happenings?

There aren't any true happenings. The true is the artificial.

Do you allow yourself to be influenced by others in your choice of a topic, or do you pick everything for yourself?

From the moment you make up your mind not to live on a desert island you no longer pick everything for yourself.

What party do you vote for in the Bundestag elections?

I don't vote anymore.

Do you believe in the things you show in your films?

Yes.

Do you like to play sports, and if yes, which ones?

Table tennis, swimming, faire l'amour.

How do you visualize your professional and private future?

There isn't any past, there isn't any present, so there isn't any future, either.

(1) There is a “Truth Game” in Fassbinder’s film, Chinese Roulette, though he could be referencing another Truth Game entirely.

(2) This is simply to acknowledge that some readers might have reacted in shock to this statement, a shock that, in many ways, both denies and privatizes the challenges of caring for persons who require continuous assistance and whose independence takes different forms than that of the abled. It is aberrant that people who are incapable of caring for disabled children are permitted to adopt them, just as it is aberrant to live in a country where disabled parents and children do not receive extensive subsidies and support from their government. And it is aberrant to believe that anyone should ever be forced to birth, raise, or adopt a child against their will and inclination.

On the 100th anniversary of Kafka's cosmos.

— This is an original detail.

“‘This is an original detail,’ he said, indicating what I saw to be an iron ladder descending into the gloom,” Elif Batuman writes in a wildly Kafkaesque short fiction titled “The Board Will Decide If I’m Qualified to Live in the Basement,” featured as Recommended Reading on Electric Literature today, and collected in a new anthology of Kafka-inspired prose, The Cage Went in Search of the Bird (Catapult). It goes without saying that I recommend it, despite my having said it.

Little Franz, mid-ruin.

— I should have been the little ruin dweller.

Against the chaos of his world, Franz Kafka poses a cosmology of fragments. I’m thinking of May 18-19 of 1910, the official "comet night," an event that reproached the patriarchs across time and space. For those 48 hours in May, the arrival of Halley's comet intersected with Kafka’s big bang, his big blame: the official reproaching of his parents for the failed education they gave him.

Both reproach and refutation have done him great harm, as Kafka sees it while staring at family photos. This great harm emerges ekphrastically, in relation to the poise of the "group pictures.” The son responds to the harm in fabulist way: he introduces them to each other in his imagination, which is to say, in a story.

An image from a photo: "The dress worn too beautifully floating over American boots."

The family members, these people who have harmed him, are unforgivable. "I should have been the little ruin dweller…" – This is Kafka’s refrain, and it appears here, in the rubble of that foundational bourgeois event known as the family portrait.

But how does a reproach address those "persons past," who are frozen in sepia ice by the photo and onerously present as in an endlessly-interpretable tableau? Who is the author of past mistakes in education?  

Of the persons past, Kafka writes: "They cannot remember! They stand there like tired dogs, because they use up all their strength to remain upright in one’s memory." The reproaches attach themselves to each image the way fondness attaches itself to a familiar binkie. "And now show me the reproach that in such a situation wouldn’t turn into a sigh," writes Kafka, drawing on the reproach’s capacity as a communicative mode, "is always on the verge of becoming a sigh…" 

Like the characters in the photo, the reproaches stand side by side, forming relationships with each other: "The large reproach to which nothing can happen, takes the small one by the hand." In the meantime: "We remain upright, because it relieves us."



— Present unhappiness consists of nothing but confusion.

Strangers glimpsed through a window make it easier for him to stop thinking about the reproaches. When looking out the window, Kafka quiets "the urge to reproach."

He looks out the window frequently when standing in a room with his father. He describes himself as standing by the window and looking out. The parents and family who have done him “harm out of love, makes their guilt even greater." For Kafka, love is almost more dangerous than hate, or more damaging.

Like other dispirited spiritual seekers, Kafka goes to visit Dr. Steiner and learn more about theosophy. He admits to Dr. Steiner that he fears theosophy because it might add confusion (his word) which would be a problem since his "present unhappiness consists of nothing but confusion.” There is no coexistence between what he feels and what he knows. It is untenable: his happiness in one realm ruins his ability to function in the other.

Kafka quotes from Goethe's diary; mentions that his "foreign nature" is suggestive of a "capacity for transformation". Goes to look at himself in the mirror and spies something transformative about his own eyes.

Unreliable: family, work, religion, bourgeois values.

Reliable: insomnia, restlessness, poison —"The wind blows through it. One sees only the emptiness, one searches in all corners, and does not find one self."

His sleeplessness is related to writing, and this is not true for all writers. At the risk of distinguishing between working habits and demands that work makes on the body, it is simply not the case that all writers suffer from severe, lifelong insomnia. Situational insomnia is miserable, but it differs vastly from the lifelong neurological condition of insomnia. No “sleep hygiene regime” cures or resolves it. Stop blowing smoke up my ass and sending me the bill.

Kafka crosses his arms like a vampire to sleep– or like a man in a coffin. He has suffered from insomnia since childhood. But it is easier to blame the unwritten. It is more satisfying to blow smoke up one’s own ass than to submit to having it blown there by others.


— Long insomnia description here.

— At the risk of being misunderstood.

"The great horror that everything in me is ready for a literary work," Kafka writes. And yet writing defines the condition of aliveness for him. To become alive is to write the book. Life is the thing that wants to be written.

Writing isn’t a substitute for life or an escape from life—it is simply, life. Kafka cannot know himself without writing – cannot even find a word for his condition.

The definition of "real despair": [see quote on p. 5].
An inability to stay inside himself which manifests as a sort of impertinence.
"At the risk of being misunderstood…": [see quote on p. 8].
The room is the prison and the space of revelation.
The desaturation of color dawns on the mind in a room that watches light move – "bounded in a curved line from the head of the bed."
Light gobbles up hues.
The dissolution of self in sidewalks.
"I’m restless and poisonous," Kafka says, referencing an earlier walk in which he "lost the strength for sadness."

—-Even in conditions that today seem unbearable.

"I have no time to write letters twice," Kafka confessed on November 27, 1912.

— No time to preserve a copy of his own words; no time for correspondence; no consideration of writing letters without a keeping a copy because correspondence, too, is a text for Kafka. Like Rilke, Kafka mines his correspondence for stories, metaphors, and figures. Like Rilke, Kafka is better as desiring his interlocutor on paper than encountering that desire as flesh, in real life.

—- Fear of waiting, a terror Kafka connects to his father’s use of a particular word in childhood. The word "ultimo,” and the dread that swarmed his mind when his father employed the ultimo: "the last, feared for so long, could never be purely overcome".

— New headache of a still unknown sort.

Kafka describes his diary as encounter with self in relation to time: "In the diary one finds proof that, even in conditions that today seem unbearable, one lived, looked around and wrote down observations, that this right hand thus moved as it does today, when the possibility of surveying our condition at that time does make us wiser, but we therefore must recognize all the more the undauntedness of our striving at that time, which in sheer ignorance nonetheless sustained itself."

He is ready to die because he cannot write the book.

He succumbs to time with dread, adding the famous description of having his finger on his eyebrow.

Constant, this sense of despair and being forsaken.

Headaches lengthen as books progress.

"New headache of a still unknown sort. Brief painful stabbing over my right eye."

—- Nothing, nothing.

Betrayed by the noise of neighbors.

Forsaken by everyone and their noises.

Distracted by the shadow of the oversaturated family photos: "Parents who expect gratitude from their children (there are even those who demand it) are like usurers, they are happy to risk the capital as long as they get the interest."

Econometrically-devastated. Emotionally over-laundered.

"I see the task and the way to it, I would only have to push through some thin obstacles and can't do it. —Playing with the thoughts of F."

He loves un-imagining himself in letters to Felice Bauer.

He will fold her into his fictions.

And: "She is again the center of it all."



— Pull quote on bachelor and marriage here.

— The ancient wrong that man has committed.

He returns to reproach in his letters to Milena.

And the poison continues: the pointed fingers, the ultimo, the ultimatum, the thing he does not want to become.

The judgment he leverages against his family.

Judgement is everything, he whispers.

He expresses a longing for sickness, which hides a longing to be tended, which he blames on his mother.

As for his failure to love his mother, he blames this on the German language.

—- And there is some venom in me, some poison I can’t articulate, connected to the terror of dying, of being erased, of not ‘surviving’ the aesthetic of late capitalism’s cuteness, of being consigned to eat the dust of my own dustbin; or finding the self defined by the pseudo sanctity of its therapy-industrial complex that takes middle-class American experience as norm and extrapolates all kinds of borders and inhumane boundaries that demand continuous police, that need incessant forms of policing (holy shit has anyone ever craved police as much as 21st century US)? I want to position love as a counterpoint, but it is easier to be generous when the world is built around preserving your ‘lifestyle’. Or: it is easier to be generous when the world is glossed by the generosity we bestow upon ourselves in continual self-esteem baths and self-affirmations. The literary world is certainly generous (yet suffocating), exciting (yet predictable and mechanistic), sensitive (yet obsessed by status, self-positioning and winning). One writes to spite it sometimes. One writes furiously, sneaking the no-no of adverbs in the pile of relentless things waiting to be written, hardly daring to wonder what will be read, if any of it gets published, if you will ever stop cringing when imagining being read. And there is that venom in it: no one will forgive you for saying the thing you have written. Maybe Kafka was blessed? Is it better to be read when dead? Milena, I am so dirty…